Rotten Eggs

Yesterday while cleaning out the icebox I found a  carton of eggs had been neglected in my refrigerator. Once finished with my task of ridding the fridge of potential monsters  I  contemplated on what I should do with the eggs. I didn't want them in my trashcan because I hate eggs, I hate the smell, and I hate the runny yellow yolk, so I decided I would get revenge on the eggs and toss them over the fence one by one. I enjoyed the thought of reveling in the sound the eggs would make as they smack into the ground with a loud crack and slowly ooze out upon the earth. So I raised the first egg and brought it waaaaaayyyyy back poised to speedily catapult it to its death. Suddenly I stopped mid throw, looked at the egg and said " Target Practice!!". It turns out I liked the idea of shooting the eggs better than throwing them and so did my husband. The key to a satisfactory egg  kill shot is that you have to make sure the egg yolk explodes!! I mean, that yolk has really gotta fly!! And in order to get the guts to blow like a firework on the Fourth of July you've got to shoot it right smack dab in the center. And I gotta say, blowing one dozen eggs to pieces is quite a satisfying stress relief exercise.

Head Jingles (WARNING!! READING THIS MAY TEMP YOU TO EAT A KLONDIKE BAR!)

I woke up with a case of the head jingles. The head jingles does not mean there is something loose in my head , although the odds are very high. The head jingles means that I woke up with a tune stuck in my head, a jingle that clings to my mind like an incessant radio stream. Is this haunting ballad from a dream or a TV commercial? Where is it from? I may never know what induced the never ending anthem of the Klondike Bar into my mind. "What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar", " What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar", "What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar"! I decided to quell the song by researching the origin of the Klondike bar. The Klondike Bar was created in the early 1920's by the Isaly Dairy Company of Youngstown, Ohio and named after the Klondike river of Alaska. There where six original flavors in 1922 ,Vanilla, Strawberry, Chocolate, Grape, Maple, and Cherry. I prefer Vanilla because it is classic, but since the 1920's there has been a variety of Klondike flavor experimentation such as : Orange, Krunch Bars, Heath Bars, York peppermint patty, Neopolitan, Reese's peanut butter cup, Oreo, Cappuccino and varied more.  So what would you do for a Klondike Bar? Personally I would drive into town to buy a whole box of Klondike bars and then proceed to eat them until  I get the Klondike Bar ditty out of my head once and for all!

My peeps!!!

I want to take this moment to say "I LOVE YOU"! I want to thank my devoted readers for encouraging me to continue writing my blog and convincing me that I really do have interesting stories. Thank you Mom Byerly, Dad Byerly, My punk little sister in law Joycelin (if my blog can make just Joycelin laugh I am content) , Jon (sweet and caring and owner of  Lukie my favorite dog of all time, what a lucky guy and dog!), Joanna (my inspiration for all things odd), Jennifer (Fellow amazing blogger) , Russ and Karen Evans, Danielle Ellsworth and her two adorable little girls, Rebecca Allen, Rose Gonzales ( my inspiration for all things art ), my Mom  ,my Dad, Sharon Abshire Gray (an amazing woman who taught me and comforted me so much my first year away from home), Courtney Jacks and baby Camden ( Courtney, your honesty and friendship means so much to me), my husband Jeff Byerly for encouraging me to take on a blog and share my funny, strange, complicated side to the world (Jeff I am blessed to have a husband like you and will always love you) plus last and most importantly the Lord who allows me to wake every morning to serve Him and use my humor to lighten others lives. I love you all thank you , after all what would my blog be without my peeps!

                                                                            Sincerely, Laura Byerly
                                                                                                   

Paranoid Nah!!!! Obsessed of course not!!

Some people may say that my husband has too many guns, some may say that he is paranoid or obsessed with firepower,but I like to think otherwise, even if I am in denial. Sometimes I really do wonder if we both have taken it a little too far. Below is an example of real conversations prooving the hold that weaponry has on my husband and I.


CONVERSATION- NAMING THE DOG

Me: Babe, what should we name our new puppy?

Jeff: I dunno.

Me: How about Remington?

Jeff: Yeah!!!!! We will call him Remy for short.

Me: Yes, Remington with go perfect with Colt.

Jeff: Colt?

Me: Yeah I picked it out for our future first sons name.

Jeff: Sounds good to me.

As you know Remington and Colt are gun brands, apparently Jeffs obsession has rubbed off on me because the names where totally all my idea.
For our last example please see yesterdays conversation over a simple household duty.


CONVERSATION- TOILET PAPER ROLL REPLACEMENT

Me: Jeff why is the toilet paper roll empty again?

Jeff: Oh sorry, I forgot to reload it.

This is when it hit me! When my household refers to replacing the roll of toilet paper as "reloading" then I know there is a major issue. Of course it could be worse, I could call sweeping the house "room sweeping", and snuggling under the blankets " cover me!", fortunately I have not resorted to such madness......... yet.

My fall to the Bean!!!

I am sure many good things come from the bean, and I am confident that many people cannot live without the beans much coveted juice. The bean juice according to me is evil, it is bitter, it leaves a foul taste in the mouth, and it is just plain forbidden to pass through my lips. The bean that I am speaking of is the Coffee bean. Now don't get me wrong, coffee has it's qualities too, such as the essence while it is brewing, the dance of warm and changing hues as you mingle it with cream and sugar, and the stamina boost that is a gift to the weary and somewhat of a drug to coffee loyalists. As a young adult I dappled with the idea of becoming a coffee drinker because it smelled so good. Why does the bean tempt with scent and torment with taste? Why! can someone just please tell me why? Oh that's right it is evil, deceitful, and sneaky, yes that is why. The bean proved its sneakiness a couple weeks ago when it tried to weasel its way back into my mouth. I will share this story to make the public aware that they must stand guard against the bean, for it can take you at any moment! On a lovely and already sweaty Arizona morning I drove up to the Mc Donald's drive thru to pick up the work crews breakfast and the ordering went kinda like this:


Speaker Girl:Hello Welcome to Mc Donald's. Would you like to try an Iced Mocha today?

Me(aka Coffee Hater): No thank you (blah blah blah placing my order blah)

Speaker Girl: Will that be all for you?

Me(mind thoughts).... Did she say Iced Mocha maybe ice makes it taste better.
No you better not Laura don't you do it!! But I am so tired.

Speaker Girl: Will that be all for you Mam?

Me(mind thoughts).... Did she just call me Mam? Seriously? Am I so tired
I look old enough to be a Mam!

Me(aka Coffee Hater Traitor) Actually Miss I think I WILL take one of those Iced Mocha's.


As I was pulling away with our breakfast and the bean juice laced with ice my adorable little punk sister in law who was sitting in the back seat slurping on a berry smoothie and reading her Bible pauses and looks at me through the rear view mirror with a puzzled look on her face and says "You don't Drink Coffee!". In response to this I simply said " Your father drove me to drink!". Let me explain my response, my father in law was boss that week and he likes to work hard, everyone else seemed used to it , but I was a bit sleep deprived and I thought coffee would help. So my human nature was to blame my shame on someone else. Sorry Dad. So now you see how easy it is to succumb to the bean. And for your information, I have kicked the bean, I kicked it the day I left Arizona and have not touched it since....... yet temptation still lingers.

Cokes! Cokes! Cokes! ........ What?....... I said Cokes!

My husband and I just arrived home from a trip to Arizona. This trip was made to help his family work on remodeling the inside of a home into a new church building. Construction is tiring and most of us last week had our own forms of coping with the long hours and the sometimes monotonous work. I even picked up somewhat of an addiction myself to help get me through the day, but that story will be included in my next post. My father in law Mr. Byerly is loyal to only one form of soda, he is loyal to Coca-Cola and Coca- Cola alone, none other can suffice. Mr. Byerly prefers his Coca-Cola on ice and straight from the fountain. What! Pepsi you say? Nooooo Mr. Byerly laughs in the face of Pepsi scoffs at it even. Please see below for an example of his dislike just so you know this is one of Mr. Byerly's favorite jokes and I just substituted his name into it, he might like to say the below but would never lol.

WAITRESS: Mr. Byerly we don't carry Coca-Cola, is Pepsi alright Sir?

MR. BYERLY:Pepsi huh? ALL YOU HAVE IS PEPSI!!!

WAITRESS: Yes Sir will that be alright?

MR. BYERLY: Will paying tonights bill with MONOPOLY MONEY be alright!

WAITRESS: How about we just get you some water.

MR. BYERLY: Is it bottled?


You see, Mr. Byerly is loyal to Coca-Cola in the utmost ...... as well as bottled water, but that is another issue all together. Mr. Byerly actually prefers to call Coca-Cola by the shorter nickname Coke. During our time at the construction site we had multiple instances of having to run out and get some supplies. Right before one of these runs to Home Depot or Ace Hardware we heard a strange and foreign cry from another room. This is what we heard "Gooks Gooks Gooks!". In response my mother in law Sharon, my sister in law Joycelin, and I searched out the sound and found Mr. Byerly at the end of this strange yodle, and because we did not understand his strange choice of words we asked him what he meant by "Gooks Gooks Gooks" and he responded more clearly this time "I said Cokes, get us Cokes while your out!". I joked about this that day and said that he had developed some form of Tourettes Syndrome that causes him to shout out the word Cokes when he can no longer cope with us. Poor guy he is just trying to survive just like the rest of us. Mr. Byerly needs Cokes just like some of us need gum, hard candy,Mountain Dew, 5 Hour Energy, Emergen C (That one is my mother in laws), or Coffee...... Gross awful coffee that we never touch, that we hate, that bitter nastiness that leaves your mouth feeling dirty the stuff you would never touch unless you were working construction for a week with your family..... Oh the shame!