I have been married to the most amazing man for 1 year 7 months 1 week and 6 days as of today. I couldn't calculate minutes so I left those out, it was taking to long and by the time I figured it out I would have had to recalculate the whole weeks, days , minutes thing again. Anyways back to my point. I have known this man through happiness, trials, disappointments and just plain silly times. He is a funny, kind, loving, honest, true to oneself, Christ honoring man and I love him entirely and wholeheartedly for all of his attributes. Oh and did I mention handsome! Ok ok, I know he has a little less hair than most and when I turn out the light at night he pretty much always glows in the dark, but he has enthralling blue eyes that can capture your mind with a glance, an ever inviting smile and amazing hind quarters to boot!! Sorry about that last one mom Byerly but I couldn't leave out one of my favorite features. I guess what I am telling you all is that I have it made. I am one of few blessed woman that is loved by such a gift from God. I would never want to abandon that love. So it struck me kinda funny today when I received two pickup lines during my grocery shopping trip at good old Walmart today. The first character and lesser disturbing of the two strolled up to me with a 2 year old strapped in his cart (probably one of his many many many children) and said to me "I would sure like to know what kind of gum you are chewing because your lips make it look delicious". I then proceeded to tell him it was Orbitz new Peach flavored gum and sped off with insane shopping cart velocity. After the first encounter I considered possibly never chewing gum again. Then came character number two who approached me in the ice cream aisle. Come on people the ice cream aisle,is no aisle safe or sacred!!! This man was a Walmart employee and his exact wording was " Hello my name is John and I watch you the whole time you are here and I know every time you come to shop and I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen". Can anyone say STALKER!! This man almost provoked me to abandon my cart and run, but before I could run, speak or wipe the dumb look off my face he ran away from me first. So the lesson today my readers, is that my husband is a charming man and he never used pickup lines such as the above. And for this reason my friends and loved ones, he has won my heart. So for you men who may be reading this lets go over some lines that should not be used for impressing that lovely ( preferrably unmarried) lady that has caught your eye:
1: I am a raindrop and I am falling for you. ( My Answer: Please evaporate fast!!)
2: Your lips make that gum look delicious. ( My Answer: It's the glow from my Wedding Ring)
3: I work here at the only Walmart for miles and I stalk you when you visit.
( My Answer: Do you think my husband would like Rocky Road or Vanilla Ice Cream maybe I should go get him to pick one out?)
4: You must be a broom because you have swept me off my feet!
(My Answer: Where is the dust pan and more importantly where is the trash can?)
5: I am sorry I thought your name tag was Braille. (My Answer: Oh I am sorry did you need those fingers?)
6: You don't need car keys to drive me crazy. (My Answer: No but they do come in handy when running over people.)
Ladies keep sharp don't freeze like I did and remember your comebacks or ....... Just get a gun.
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